Dixie State Here I Come

My balloons..  Maybe I could go back and get them. Maybe my mom grabbed them. My first helium balloons, and I got three! How could I forget them?

I was at my best friend Savana’s house when I realized I had forgotten my preschool graduation present back at the school. I was devastated. When I got home, I looked in my room to see if my mommy had remembered to grab them for me. She forgot. That's ok, I thought to myself, I can just get them when I go back to school after summer break. Being five-years-old, I did not understand that helium did not last forever. When my mom told me by the time the weekend was over my balloons would be deflated, I was crushed. When my mom told me I would not be going back to preschool, I was heartbroken. I loved preschool, my teachers and my friends. I did not want to go to any other school ever!

Over the course of the summer, I forgot that I would not be attending the same school in the fall. I had a fabulous summer doing whatever little Shayna did. I probably played with Barbies for two months. When I started shopping for new school supplies towards the end of July, I was terrified. I HATED the idea of going to a new school to meet new people and make new friends. I did NOT want to go, but just like all five-year-olds, I went to kindergarten.

I can remember walking into Park Elementary school with wobbly knees, sweaty hands, and tears rolling down my cheeks because I was petrified of such a large, new place. This was the first really big change of my life. I went to my new school crying for weeks. I HATED school. After a while, however, I made new friends, I obtained a new routine, and I learned to love school. I loved my friends and my teachers; I loved it all.

Fast forward two years, I am in second grade, and I did not want to leave Park. I did, and ended up loving Hulet Elementary School even more. When the end of fifth grade came around, I did not want to leave Hulet, but I did and loved the Holbrook Jr. High more. I never wanted to leave what I had because from a very young age, I was afraid of change. Change has always been a hard thing for me to handle because of its unpredictability. Whenever I know a big change is approaching, I handle it the way I handle everything else in my life: PROCRASTINATION. I try very hard to procrastinate my feelings, but I have learned that even feelings have a deadline. I have successfully procrastinated my feelings about graduation for years now, but sadly the deadline is near…

When I got into high school, all I wanted to do was graduate. I have always loved the idea of being in college and out on my own. When I thought about this moment in my life, I only thought of the positives.

• College boys
• Late nights
• Adventures
• Meeting new people
• College boys
• A new school
• A new city
• New school colors
• College boys

I never once thought about:

• Money
• My major
• Which college I would attend
• Money
• Leaving my friends
• Leaving my family
• Leaving my teachers
• The stress of not having money

My freshman year, I ultimately built a dam to block my fears and worries about May of 2016. Well now it is May 2016, my dam has broken, and my feelings are flooding my mind. I am so scared it is ridiculous.

The closer I get to graduating the more I start feeling like little Shayna leaving preschool, but 1,000,000 times worse. The scariest part about graduating is that I am not sure how to feel. I AM ready to go to Utah and start a new life, but am I ready to leave my life here in Holbrook? I AM ready to meet new people, but am I ready to not see my family, Alexandra, and the rest of my friends? I AM ready to go learn more about this world and about myself, but am I ready to leave behind everyone who has already taught me so much? I AM ready, but am I ready?

Yes I am.

I have fallen head over heals in love with life. I have found it to be absolutely wonderful. Life is not always perfect or easy, but it is always beautiful. Right now, I am the most stressed, anxious, and terrified I have ever been in my entire life, but I was also afraid going into kindergarten, Hulet, and jr. high, but I found them all to be better than the previous school. Every time I leave something behind, something better has always come along. If I am this scared, I know something absolutely wonderful is right around the corner, and I cannot wait to see what it is.

With all of these feelings flooding my mind I am learning one thing more and more every day.

Be present.

Right now, I am the youngest I will ever be. If I am always looking forward to tomorrow I will surely miss today. My goal for these next two weeks, and for the rest of my life, is to be present. I know life can get stressful and overwhelming, but do not miss out on today because of fear of tomorrow. I am in love with life and I cannot wait to see what it has in store for me and all of the wonderful people in my life.

A Dalmatian Shattered My Heart

Most high schoolers spend their weekends partying with friends and making insane memories. I have never been much of a partier, and after a long, tiring, week, I was ready to spend my Saturday night sleeping. I woke up early Saturday morning to help my church youth group with a service project. After I finished with that, my plan was to go home, work on a few projects, take a nap, finish some homework, and then relax by watching Netflix. About halfway through my service project, I got a call asking if I could babysit that night. Of course I said yes because I did not have a hot date or any amazing plans for that night anyway.

I babysat two little boys. The older of the two had an incredible imagination. He spent the whole night telling me that he was part dalmatian. He would crawl around, scratch at things, and sit on the floor because dogs are not allowed on the couch. He also informed me that his younger brother was part penguin. I played along with this the whole night. When he asked me what animal I was, I told him I was a dolphin. Yes, I spent my Saturday night pretending I was part dolphin. He then starting asking me questions I was not prepared to answer. These questions included:

How do you live outside of water?  

How do you breath?

Where are your fins?

What do you eat?

I tried my hardest to channel my inner child in hopes that I could give him an answer that would satisfy his imagination.

“What do you like to do for fun in the ocean?” This question however, I could answer. I knew exactly what I would do for fun if I were a dolphin living in the ocean. I looked at him and happily answered, “Well, I swim around all the time with my mermaid friends.” The little five-year-old, part dalmatian boy looked me dead in the eyes and through a chuckle said, “Mermaids aren’t real!” I am pretty sure I heard my heart break. I looked back at him and said under my breath, “They could be... “

I was pretty upset after this conversation. Not upset in a way that I was crying or hurt, I was just really upset with myself. Why, at eighteen, did I get upset when a five-year-old boy told me mermaids were not real? Why have I let myself believe something so silly for so long? People have told me for years that I was childish for believing in mermaids, but I have never given it much thought until a boy I was babysitting, on my Saturday night, told me they did not exist.

Why have I let myself believe for so long? I pondered this question for quite sometime, and then the answer came to me.

Because mermaids make me happy.

Today it is May. As of right now, my graduation ceremony will start in eighteen days, twelve hours, twenty-one minutes, and six seconds. When I look back at little Shayna, I laugh. At this point in my life, little Shayna pictured a mature adult with a plan for her life. She pictured a proper woman who was ultimately boring. Never did she once picture who I have actually become. She did not picture an “adult” who still watches Disney Channel and believes in mermaids. When I was younger, I thought I would grow up to be a completely different person; I am glad that is not the case. Of course I have grown up and matured. I have had experiences that have taught me valuable life lessons and I feel I am as ready as one can be to move out. I feel I am ready to tackle the world; however, I am pretty much the same person I was when I was ten.

I still jam out to Hannah Montana in the car. I still dance when I put away dishes, and play air drums to rock songs. I still laugh at knock knock jokes, and sometimes I laugh so hard I pee my pants. I still watch High School Musical and all of the newest animated movies. I still love the Phinaes and Ferb theme song, and hate that Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens broke up. #Zanessa4ever I still get excited when my mom buys fruit roll ups. I still believe in Mermaids.

I think something wonderful happens when we feed our inner child. I think it is something we need to do, and do often.

I had this picture as my lock screen for months, as a reminder to not let myself grow up. My biggest fear with leaving for college is that I will forget to do the things that once made little Shayna happy, and that continue to make me happy. I hope when I am eighty I will still sing along to Hannah Montana. I hope I will always believe in magic and in mermaids. My wish for everyone is that we never forget to do these things, the things that make us happy. I hope we all feed our inner child, and that no matter how old we get, we can all find happiness in things from our childhood.

My Secret Super Power

A long, long time ago, about eighteen years, my mother gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was perfect, just the four of us. My mom, dad, their firstborn Nathan, and me. When I was almost three, I was blessed with a little sister. It was wonderful. My parents are amazing, and my brother and sister are true blessings. I always tried my best to obey my parents because I knew they knew what was best for me. Then I turned fourteen.

My fourteenth birthday I was given the gift of knowing everything. It was almost instantly that I suddenly knew more than my parents. Now, this was a blessing and a curse because my parents still thought they knew everything too. This made for many fights, fights I had never really had with my parents, and for many slammed doors. I think these fights occurred because my parents were jealous that I had received my gift so young.

Being fourteen was absolutely perfect! Nobody knew anything and I knew everything. It was a dream come true.  I felt as though I had been given a super power. Of course my power wasn’t as strong at school because every super hero has a weakness. I think the school had some type of force field. It is not that I was wrong all the time at school, but I was not always right like I was at home.

Many times my mom would say, “You think you know EVERYTHING don’t you?!” I hated this question because there was no way I could admit to my powers, so I always denied I knew everything. (Even though I did.) Being a super hero and a freshman was perfect; it had its difficulties, but for the most part it was fantastic. It was such an exciting year.  After the first semester of my freshman year I turned fifteen. The long awaited fifteen.  For most people that would not have been a big deal, but I had a super power and my super power had a time frame, which I was not aware of. When I had received my power, a fairy god mother did not tell me the rules. When I turned fifteen, I lost my powers, all of them. I no longer knew everything.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I knew everything; when everyone was always wrong and I was always right. When life was simple and I had a super power. But if I had the chance to gain my power again, I would not. I have found there is wisdom in being wrong. It is wise to admit not knowing everything. Jules Renard, a French author said, “If you are afraid of being lonely, don’t try to be right.” In all my eighteen years of life, I have found this to be incredibly true. I never really fought with my parents until I knew everything. Looking back, I can see how drastically my relationships changed in that one year. At the time I thought it was wonderful, but it was not. Being right was not worth it. It is better to have an open mind, and a willingness to learn. There is wisdom in being humble enough to admit to being wrong.  I hope I am never given that gift again.

                           

Presence is a Present

“Can I help you?" The Bashas’ employee, with perfect, winged eyeliner, asked me. 

"No, sorry. I'm still trying to decide."      

Decide on what? ICECREAM! Growing up, I never really cared for ice cream, but recently I have discovered that I absolutely love it. So when I went to Bashas to get ice cream with my mom and sister, it took me a while to decide which scoop of heaven I was going buy. I let my mom and sister choose their ice cream first, so I could have more time to think about all the mysterious flavors. When they had finished, it was my turn. I had made up my mind. Rocky Road. I KNEW I wanted Rocky Road more than I wanted the other fourteen flavors I had to choose from. I took the first bite, and fell in love. But by the time we had gotten into the car, I had already regretted my decision. I should have gotten Mudslide.... 

 This experience made me think of  a TV show I used to watch, Brain Games. This show explains how our minds work. I remember one specific episode it talked about going to an ice cream parlor and trying to make a decision. It said that we will always be happier if we only have to choose between vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry. When we have different choices to choose from we will (almost) always regret our choice. By having so many different flavors, we will think, maybe I would have enjoyed the other one better. I think I proved their study to be true.

I cannot help but think this study about ice cream can be linked to our everyday lives. In the 21st Century we can choose between numerous things. In regards to social media, we can choose Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, good old fashioned texting, FaceTime,  or thousands of others apps. Sometimes we get caught up in the never ending list of apps, and fail to remember ancient face to face conversation. Unfortunately, when we do choose ancient face to face conversation, we spend it scrolling through some type of social media. I am guilty of this. I know that I do it because I do not want to miss anything. I want to always be entertained, occupied, and communicating. While talking to my friend Alexandra, I could be talking to Marr-Rhyzle, or I could be texting my crush, or I could be Snapping my cousin. Just like the ice cream, I am left to think, maybe I would enjoy doing something else better.

With so many choices to choose from, we will always have regrets. I have faith that majority of the time we make the right choice. However, I know for a fact, just about all of us make the same wrong choice every day. 

How many times have you been talking to your friend and you get a SnapChat? Or a text? Or a Facebook notification?  Every day while communicating vis-à-vis to our loved ones, we are interrupted by technology, and we respond to it. We willing ignore the person right in front of our eyes for our phones. 

Now don't get me wrong, I think technology is wonderful. I love the fact that I can see my Nana's beautiful face from over 3,000 miles away. I love that I can talk to my cousins who live in Georgia whom I miss dearly. But I HATE that society has become engrossed in technology. I hate that people think we need to post our entire lives on Facebook. I hate that when I'm talking to someone they are scrolling through Twitter. I hate when halfway through my story, my friend looks up from their phone and asks, “What?” I HATE that society has become addicted to a screen.

(Sorry about that rant.) 

This semester I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the musical Marry Poppins. I knew that I was going to love being a part of this musical, but I did not know I would learn so many valuable life lessons. Before every show, the cast and crew would stand in an enormous circle to receive a motivational speech that would get us excited for our performance. Before one show, one of our directors said something beautiful that has stuck with me. She said two simple words that have changed my entire state of mind. 

Be present. 

I hope you read those words and felt the power I did when I heard them.

 Be present. 

We are here, now. We are surrounded by people we love. Every day we have the opportunity to make memories that will last a lifetime. Yet, every day we stare at our screens, we refresh pages, and post silly comments. While doing so, we are losing precious time with the people in front of us. Be present. Spend time with the people in front you. Enjoy every moment, so that one day you can remember moments, not posts.

3,571 Miles

                Twenty years ago, my semi-newlywed parents packed up their 1995 Ford Tempo and drove 3,571 miles to their new home in Holbrook, Arizona. When my parents and brother made the long journey across the country, they left behind all of our family. All my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins lived in New York or down in Georgia.  The closest family they now had was my great-aunt and great-uncle and their children in Safford, Arizona.

                Holbrook, Arizona is the only home I have ever known, and I absolutely adore it! Holbrook has the most beautiful blue sky that can be seen for miles, and when the sun gets ready to say goodnight, it paints the most incredible sunset. Rocks, dirt, and weeds can be seen around every corner, but even those have their own divine beauty. Over the past eighteen years, I have fallen in love with this little town and its citizens.

               I have the most wonderful memories growing up in The Brook. My dad loved to take me and my siblings hiking. We spent hours on a little mesa behind my house. We named it Jedi Mountain, and still call it that today. We would always play wiffle ball, Turkey*, and jump on our trampoline. I could not even begin to describe how amazing my childhood was with my little family of five.

                Most of my childhood memories include my childhood best friend, Savana Shumway. I have fond memories of going to her house and having the most incredible adventures. I was always a bit jealous of her, or maybe more than a bit. It seemed as though Savana always had family over, and she has a big family! She has twice as many siblings as I do, and about fifty cousins. Her grandparents lived in town, and we often spent time over at their house. If we were not with her grandparents, we were with at least some of her forty-something cousins. As much as I loved spending time with her family, it always made me jealous. If I wanted to see my grandparents I would have to spend days in a car. I am in no way complaining. I loved the road trips I took with my family of five to visit my family across the country and I loved when they came to visit us. I just always wished they lived closer.

                As the years have passed, I have often thought the same thing. I wish my family lived closer. Tonight at a family dinner at the Demuth’s house, I realized that my family does live close. Over the past twenty years, my family has made a new family here in Holbrook. As I look at the town, and the families here, I cannot help but think everyone here has become my family. I could not even begin to list all the people who have influenced me for the better here in happy Holbrook. I feel as though I have hundreds of family members.

               My Nana, the most wonderful woman I have ever met whom I miss dearly, once told me that I’ll never run out of love. I am so glad that is true. It is wonderful having so many people here to love, and I cannot wait for my heart to grow even more as I go throughout my life. My time in Holbrook is coming to an end, and as much as I cannot wait to leave, it will always be my hometown. Wherever I go, I know that I will have countless family members back home, where the sky is blue for miles, and the sunset is incredible.

*Turkey- a game where my dad would stand in the living room with a nerf gun while, in the hallway, my brother, sister, and I would stand, anxiously waiting for my dad to call, “Turkey! Turkey! Turkey!” When he would do so, the three of us would go running through an opening at the end of the hallway where my dad would shoot us with the nerf gun. Then he would take us, “gut” us, “cook” us, and have Thanksgiving dinner.

The Most Powerful Weapon

                Four score and seven years ago, minus four score years, my sister and I were having a dance party in our living room to the one, the only, Hannah Montana.  We were being goofy and were in no way trying to show off our mad dance moves. Well, my sister, bless her heart, was a little off beat. As we danced, I  jokingly told her, “You can’t dance!” We laughed it off and kept the party going.  

                Years later, my sister was preparing for a gymnastics recital, when asked about performing, she said she did not want to. This was a shock. My sister was and is an amazing gymnast. After talking to her more about her feelings towards her inaugural performance, she finally told us what had been bothering her. She has always been really shy, so she quietly explained, “It’s because I can’t dance.” My mom confused at this statement questioned, “Well, who told you that?” Emma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and said, “Shayna.” Hearing my name broke my heart. I immediately got defensive.  I had no idea what she was talking about.  After she reminded me about the dance party we had had years before, I felt horrible. I felt horrible for two reasons: one, for saying it, and two, for not remembering I had said it.

                To this day I could not tell you why I felt the need to say that phrase, but I said it, not realizing the effect it would have on my future best friend. To this day, she still thinks she cannot dance. She is insecure when it comes to dancing. I have seen her stand in the back trying not to be noticed when she dances, and her not dance because she does not want people to laugh.  I have seen my careless words affect her. I have tried to fix my mistake, but the damage has been done. I had no idea that those three simple words would change her life and my life so much.

                
                That experience taught me how powerful words truly are. There are millions of words that are used to communicate. We are constantly reading them, hearing them, and speaking them. With words being so common, I think we sometimes forget the power they contain. Words honestly have the capability to change lives for the better and the worse.  

                It seems so small to tell someone their hair looks nice, or that they have a nice smile, but maybe that is exactly what they need to hear. We never know the impact we can have on somebody else. Just like I did not remember what I had said to my sister, we will not remember all the words we speak, but the recipient will. I remember once hearing the words of Mark Twain. “I can live two months on a good compliment.” That saying has always stuck with me because of the truth it contains.

                Compliments have a positive effect on people. They can change the way people see themselves and others. Giving someone a compliment is not a difficult task and it does not cost any money whatsoever. A genuine compliment is the best gift we could ever give someone. We never know the affect we can have on others with just  a few words. Just like the impact I have had on my sister. Unfortunately, my words were negative, and hurt her for years. However, positive words are just as powerful. Her life could have been different if I had just taken off the ’t and said, “You can dance!” It would not have been any harder for me to say, and it would have made all the difference.

                 We must tell each other how we feel. We must say kind words, and be nice to people. It’s a hard life, and it’s a lot harder when we try to live it by ourselves. We can help each other on our journeys by just saying friendly, simple words. We can have people live months off of our good compliments. I challenge you (and myself) to give at least one good compliment a day. I know that it will change the way we see ourselves, others, and the world. 

Planet Disneyland

I have always been a dreamer. I might sound like John Lennon when I say that, but it’s the truth. When I was younger it seems like that is all I did. I would like to say I was original and dreamed of marvelous things, but I was just as cliché then as I am now. I loved all the Disney princesses and dreamed one day I could meet them. Yes, my dream was to go to Disneyland. 

I never had the opportunity to go when I was a child. When I got the chance to go to Disneyland as a teenager, I took it. The spring break of my junior year, I went to Disneyland for the first time. It was just as magical as I could have ever hoped. I dreamed of going back.

This spring break my dream came true once again. Even though I am now technically an adult, Disneyland is still one of my favorite places in the whole word. There is magic there that I have not found anywhere else. I could tell so many stories of the wonderful time I had this week, but there is one experience that allowed me to have a terrific epiphany.

My mom, sister, and I were all standing in line at my favorite restaurant, Jolly Holiday. We were discussing what to get when the lady standing in front of us recommended the grilled cheese. We ordered, and while I was waiting in the pick-up line, I saw the same lady. “Did you end up getting the grilled cheese,” I asked. “Of course, that’s all I ever get. I work here, and whenever I get the chance I come and get a grilled cheese. They’re my favorite!” The worker at Jolly Holiday interrupted, “Leah!” Leah, the lady who I had been talking to, walked up and got her grilled cheese.  “It was nice meeting you,” I said as she walked away. At Disneyland these kinds of conversations happen all the time so I didn’t think anything of it.

I went back to sit with my mom and sister. We were talking and resting our feet after a long, exhausting day when Leah came over to the table next to us. She laughed and said, “I promise I am not stalking you. My friends are out and I told them to meet me here. They’ll be able to see me from this table.” We all laughed as she sat down to eat.

Now here is a little secret about my mom: she can talk to anyone. So we sat there waiting for the parade, while my mom started talking to Leah. We found out a lot about her; she was extremely friendly. Leah had been to Disneyland a plethora of times. She had spent many birthdays, anniversaries, and even the Y2K disaster at this magnificent place. After years of visiting, she fulfilled her dream and started working at Disneyland. She was attracted to this phenomenal land for the same reason I was. It's magical. She said she wanted to work there because she wanted to "share the magic."  

As the parade started getting closer, we figured we had better go find a seat if we wanted to see anything. Everything at Disneyland is always crowded, especially the shows. “Where is the best place to watch the parade?” My mom asked our new friend Leah. She thought for a second, got up, and said, “Hold on.” Then Leah came back to us extremely excited. “Ok, new friends! I just did something amazing. Come on!”

We followed Leah to VIP seats where we sat down to watch the parade. It was amazing! The friends that Leah had been waiting for later joined us, and I watched the most incredible parade I have ever seen with my new friends. We thanked her for "sharing the magic."

Looking at the past two spring breaks I see that they were both magical. Disneyland is just as marvelous as little Shayna imagined. Before I met Leah I liked to believe that Disneyland was really magical, but it’s not. Disneyland is full of people who like to make others feel good. It’s full of workers who are trained to share the Disney magic. This got me thinking. Why isn’t the world like Disneyland? If people have the capability to make others feel wonderful about themselves just like they do at Disneyland, why don’t we? We could all list why we don’t.

* I’m busy.

* I have somewhere to be.

* I don’t want them to think I’m weird.

* They look like they don’t want to be bothered.

* I don’t know them.

* It won’t make a difference.

* I just can’t.

All of those are valid reasons, but they are just excuses.  We all have the capability to make everyone feel wonderful. We choose to be happy and we choose who we share that happiness with. Leah taught me that it’s not hard to do something nice for others. She taught me that we are all magical. Sometimes we just don’t realize that we have so much to offer. I hope one day we can all see that we can make others’ dreams come true, that this life is full of opportunities to help others. And if you can’t see that, then maybe you need to listen to Michael Jackson when he says, “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change.” If we all strive to share our magic within, we can make this world a better place; we can make this world Disneyland.