“Mommy, when can I shave my legs? When can I have a phone? When can I drive?” Whenever I asked these questions, along with many similar ones, the answer was always the same, “When you’re older.”
Older. That word haunted me. It seemed as though it couldn’t
come soon enough. When would I be older? What was older? Being older became my
goal. Then suddenly I was older. Old enough to do everything I looked forward
to.
For me, being a kid was hard. Why? Because I didn’t like it.
I wanted to grow up; I wanted to be in high school. Then I got into high school
and I couldn’t wait to be in college. It seems like the past four years I have just
been waiting for graduation. Every day was not just another day, it was another
day closer to May 20, 2016.
I remember about three weeks into my freshman year I walked
into math and complained, “You know, I just want to graduate. I don’t really
like high school like I thought I would.” The seniors laughed and all said the
same thing, “It’ll go by fast, and once it’s here you’ll wish it wasn’t.”
Now I’m a senior and am at the same point in my life as those
seniors. I now I see how right they were.
It goes fast. Really fast. Looking back I realize that I regret almost all of
high school. Not in the way that I made stupid mistakes, which I did, but I don’t
regret them. I regret not letting myself enjoy the moment. I was always looking
ahead, always waiting for things to get better. My freshman year I wanted to be a sophomore. My
sophomore year I wanted to be a junior. My junior year I didn’t want to be a
senior, I just wanted to graduate. I was always looking ahead instead of
looking at that day. Now, I’m over half way done with my senior year, and I wish
the days didn’t pass by so quickly.
My problem was that I was always waiting for high school to
get better. All the upperclassman looked like they were having so much fun, so I
couldn’t wait to get to that point in my life so then I could have fun too.
Sounds crazy, I know, but that’s what I thought. I now see that every moment
was great. I didn’t have to be older to have fun. Actually, I think being young
is more fun. I look back on high school and remember every Saturday night
playing Dew Pong, every late night writing a paper I procrastinated, every basketball
game, every volleyball practice I almost died, every crush, and every heart
break. Those are all great memories, but I never fully let myself have fun. If I
could go back to my freshman year, that is the only thing I would change. I would
have let myself have fun.
The best advice I have ever gotten and the best advice I could
ever give comes from a leader from my church leader, “Life’s not a race; it’s
a journey. Enjoy the moment.” I really wish I would have understood that
sooner. Life is beautiful; it's not a race. Every single day is a blessing. We don’t need to
wait to be a certain age before we can be happy. We can be happy today. If we
are always waiting for something to get better, we will always be disappointed.
So enjoy today because if we enjoy every moment, won’t we enjoy our entire lives?
