A Dalmatian Shattered My Heart

Most high schoolers spend their weekends partying with friends and making insane memories. I have never been much of a partier, and after a long, tiring, week, I was ready to spend my Saturday night sleeping. I woke up early Saturday morning to help my church youth group with a service project. After I finished with that, my plan was to go home, work on a few projects, take a nap, finish some homework, and then relax by watching Netflix. About halfway through my service project, I got a call asking if I could babysit that night. Of course I said yes because I did not have a hot date or any amazing plans for that night anyway.

I babysat two little boys. The older of the two had an incredible imagination. He spent the whole night telling me that he was part dalmatian. He would crawl around, scratch at things, and sit on the floor because dogs are not allowed on the couch. He also informed me that his younger brother was part penguin. I played along with this the whole night. When he asked me what animal I was, I told him I was a dolphin. Yes, I spent my Saturday night pretending I was part dolphin. He then starting asking me questions I was not prepared to answer. These questions included:

How do you live outside of water?  

How do you breath?

Where are your fins?

What do you eat?

I tried my hardest to channel my inner child in hopes that I could give him an answer that would satisfy his imagination.

“What do you like to do for fun in the ocean?” This question however, I could answer. I knew exactly what I would do for fun if I were a dolphin living in the ocean. I looked at him and happily answered, “Well, I swim around all the time with my mermaid friends.” The little five-year-old, part dalmatian boy looked me dead in the eyes and through a chuckle said, “Mermaids aren’t real!” I am pretty sure I heard my heart break. I looked back at him and said under my breath, “They could be... “

I was pretty upset after this conversation. Not upset in a way that I was crying or hurt, I was just really upset with myself. Why, at eighteen, did I get upset when a five-year-old boy told me mermaids were not real? Why have I let myself believe something so silly for so long? People have told me for years that I was childish for believing in mermaids, but I have never given it much thought until a boy I was babysitting, on my Saturday night, told me they did not exist.

Why have I let myself believe for so long? I pondered this question for quite sometime, and then the answer came to me.

Because mermaids make me happy.

Today it is May. As of right now, my graduation ceremony will start in eighteen days, twelve hours, twenty-one minutes, and six seconds. When I look back at little Shayna, I laugh. At this point in my life, little Shayna pictured a mature adult with a plan for her life. She pictured a proper woman who was ultimately boring. Never did she once picture who I have actually become. She did not picture an “adult” who still watches Disney Channel and believes in mermaids. When I was younger, I thought I would grow up to be a completely different person; I am glad that is not the case. Of course I have grown up and matured. I have had experiences that have taught me valuable life lessons and I feel I am as ready as one can be to move out. I feel I am ready to tackle the world; however, I am pretty much the same person I was when I was ten.

I still jam out to Hannah Montana in the car. I still dance when I put away dishes, and play air drums to rock songs. I still laugh at knock knock jokes, and sometimes I laugh so hard I pee my pants. I still watch High School Musical and all of the newest animated movies. I still love the Phinaes and Ferb theme song, and hate that Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens broke up. #Zanessa4ever I still get excited when my mom buys fruit roll ups. I still believe in Mermaids.

I think something wonderful happens when we feed our inner child. I think it is something we need to do, and do often.

I had this picture as my lock screen for months, as a reminder to not let myself grow up. My biggest fear with leaving for college is that I will forget to do the things that once made little Shayna happy, and that continue to make me happy. I hope when I am eighty I will still sing along to Hannah Montana. I hope I will always believe in magic and in mermaids. My wish for everyone is that we never forget to do these things, the things that make us happy. I hope we all feed our inner child, and that no matter how old we get, we can all find happiness in things from our childhood.