“Mommy, when can I shave my legs? When can I have a phone? When can I drive?” Whenever I asked these questions, along with many similar ones, the answer was always the same, “When you’re older.”
Older. That word haunted me. It seemed as though it couldn’t
come soon enough. When would I be older? What was older? Being older became my
goal. Then suddenly I was older. Old enough to do everything I looked forward
to.
For me, being a kid was hard. Why? Because I didn’t like it.
I wanted to grow up; I wanted to be in high school. Then I got into high school
and I couldn’t wait to be in college. It seems like the past four years I have just
been waiting for graduation. Every day was not just another day, it was another
day closer to May 20, 2016.
I remember about three weeks into my freshman year I walked
into math and complained, “You know, I just want to graduate. I don’t really
like high school like I thought I would.” The seniors laughed and all said the
same thing, “It’ll go by fast, and once it’s here you’ll wish it wasn’t.”
Now I’m a senior and am at the same point in my life as those
seniors. I now I see how right they were.
It goes fast. Really fast. Looking back I realize that I regret almost all of
high school. Not in the way that I made stupid mistakes, which I did, but I don’t
regret them. I regret not letting myself enjoy the moment. I was always looking
ahead, always waiting for things to get better. My freshman year I wanted to be a sophomore. My
sophomore year I wanted to be a junior. My junior year I didn’t want to be a
senior, I just wanted to graduate. I was always looking ahead instead of
looking at that day. Now, I’m over half way done with my senior year, and I wish
the days didn’t pass by so quickly.
My problem was that I was always waiting for high school to
get better. All the upperclassman looked like they were having so much fun, so I
couldn’t wait to get to that point in my life so then I could have fun too.
Sounds crazy, I know, but that’s what I thought. I now see that every moment
was great. I didn’t have to be older to have fun. Actually, I think being young
is more fun. I look back on high school and remember every Saturday night
playing Dew Pong, every late night writing a paper I procrastinated, every basketball
game, every volleyball practice I almost died, every crush, and every heart
break. Those are all great memories, but I never fully let myself have fun. If I
could go back to my freshman year, that is the only thing I would change. I would
have let myself have fun.
The best advice I have ever gotten and the best advice I could
ever give comes from a leader from my church leader, “Life’s not a race; it’s
a journey. Enjoy the moment.” I really wish I would have understood that
sooner. Life is beautiful; it's not a race. Every single day is a blessing. We don’t need to
wait to be a certain age before we can be happy. We can be happy today. If we
are always waiting for something to get better, we will always be disappointed.
So enjoy today because if we enjoy every moment, won’t we enjoy our entire lives?
I often find myself in that very same situation: life always seems dull and dreary, spent looking toward a future that simply has to be better, livelier, and happier. Then, when the day comes that that “future” should have arrived, that happiness has been catapulted into another day to come.
ReplyDeleteOne never really knows what they had until they no longer have it; there is no other saying that is quite as true. The older someone becomes, the more responsible they are expected to be. The more responsible they are expected to be, the more weight rests upon their shoulders. Days spent in the care of one’s parents or guardians, fretting about nothing more than what game to play, what show to watch, or what fun to have, becomes the ideal. It is a very melancholy realization that expectations can never be truly met, and that the future and the past seem to always consume us. The present is made out to be inconsequential.
I very much enjoyed the quote from your church leader, and hope that others that read this story will take the words to heart.
While I was reading this, the entire time I found myself being in the same exact position. I can remember when I was younger watching movies of kids in high school, (High School Musical being a big one) and thinking to myself, “Wow, high school seems like so much fun, I can't wait to be there.” I spent my youth just waiting to get to high school. When I finally woke up the morning of my first day as a freshman, I wanted to be a senior already. I saw how much fun the seniors had, and I looked at that and spent my days wishing that was me. I did that for the past three years, and now that my senior year is almost over, I wish I spent those times actually enjoying high school. Now, I wish that it hadn't come so fast, and to still have some more time left to enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated that quote you included. I need to start living my life by that as well!
This was a great blog post, Shayna.
When I was younger I did not see myself wishing to be older. Though I did want to do the things the older kids could do, I have always been a pretty deep thinker and thought about how I will never be young again.
ReplyDeleteI see myself in a similar situation in a way, I played three sports for three years and then I had to go to summer basketball. I felt as if I was never getting a break from sports or school and that I was missing out on so many things that my friends that didn’t play sports were partaking in. which of course I did miss some things, I didn’t miss much. Actually I made my own memories with the people I got to know from sports which created a whole different Brandon in itself. I would dread practices over the summer for basketball and thought how I might have been a happier person if I decided not to play, but with that being, now that it is over its sad to say that I do kind of miss it. As I will with high school in general.
Growing up I have always tried to be older! I'm sure a lot of people know this by now too. I couldn't wait to be a big girl, and wear big girl clothes, and do big girl things. Now that I am here I want to go back because I didn't actually see how wonderful life was. I just kept looking forward to what I wanted myself to be. The same thing applies with high school, and going through the years looking forward to having fun and freedom, when I didn't realize how much fun I was actually having in that moment. When you're younger you constantly compare yourself to the older kids, and I think that's why so many other people grow up so fast. They want to be the older kids. I feel you on wanting to go back and actually allowing yourself to have fun. I feel now it is too late because we have adult things to do. Like college, and homework till 2 in the morning, and bills when we move out. Cheers to being the "fun" adults.
ReplyDeleteThis blog made me think a lot about the times I wasted. When I was a kid, I could not wait to grow up. The movies and cartoons I've seen had me looking forward to being older. Now that I'm at the age and grade I wanted to be, I regret it. High school is NOT like "High School Musical." I wish we could go back to being little kids. I had no care in the world. Homework was super easy. I always rocked the timed multiplication tests. I always loved when I would pretend to be asleep on my couch and my dad would come pick up and carry me to my room. But he can't no more. Not only have I gotten heavier, I've gotten to the age where I go to my room when I'm sleepy. These semi-adult ages are too stressful. I do not want to see what's ahead at this time. I don't even want to think about it. Thanks for sharing this lovely blog. I loved it!!
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